The Fulfillment Formula

For several summers, I spoke at an annual event in Aspen, Colorado, called “Cesar Whispers in Aspen,” presented by Friends of the Aspen Animal Shelter. It’s a big social event attended by dog lovers and many of the city’s affluent part-time residents who make Aspen their summer hideout. There are often heads of Fortune 500 companies, entertainers, media figures, and politicians in the audience.

Amazingly, I am invited to speak about dogs and what I call “pack leadership.” What could I, a poor working-class kid from Mexico, possibly have to offer some of the most accomplished people in the United States? It turns out, I have a lot to offer. I know that the secret to improving their relationships with their dogs can also change their own lives for the better. The secret? I call it the fulfillment formula.

This formula, developed over many years of working with dogs and humans, is the best way I know to access the power of leadership. By engaging in a regular program of Exercise, Discipline, and Affection (in that order), you are better equipped to handle anything that comes your way in life (see Practical Techniques for Every Pack Leader). This formula is grounded in the Natural Dog Laws and the Core Principles we covered earlier in the book. The formula sharpens your instincts and is key to developing calm, assertive energy, which will help you feel more fulfilled in everything you do. Practice this formula, and you’ll have a better relationship with your dog, your loved ones, and yourself.

The fulfillment formula is simple, but following it consistently isn’t always so easy. If it were, then everyone could do it, and I would be out of a job. Dogs would be balanced, and everyone would be happy. But what makes it challenging is that it takes time. It takes commitment. It takes dedication. It takes the ability to stick to it, even when it’s difficult. And it requires the ability to assess your life honestly and recognize when things are out of balance.

To help you understand the power of the fulfillment formula, I am going to break down each component to ensure you know how to apply it to enrich your dog’s and your own life.

FULFILLMENT PART 1:

Exercise

The first step for creating a balanced dog pack is also rule number one in the fulfillment formula—exercise. Any time I’ve struggled in my life, exercise brought me back. Now it gives me purpose, energy, focus, consistency, and an outlet for releasing tension, stress, and excess energy.

For humans, exercise can take on an element of spirituality—it uplifts you, transforms you, releases you from whatever burdens you. When I began the course to correct my life after divorce, I started waking up at 4:30 in the morning with renewed energy. I would either run with the dogs or get into the boxing ring with a trainer named Terry Norris, who once knocked out Sugar Ray Leonard.

In-line skating with your dog is a great way to exhaust pent-up energy.

Everyone knows exercise is good for you, even though 25 percent of Americans don’t do it on a regular basis. Even fewer people engage in the type of vigorous regular exercise I believe is essential, both for you and your dog. You sleep better, look better, think clearer, and live longer. Sitting for prolonged periods of time can undo the good effects even a regular program of vigorous exercise delivers. One study, published last year in the journal Circulation, concluded that for each hour of television a person watches a day, the risk of dying from heart-related problems rises by 11 percent.

BE ACTIVE IN THE MOMENT

The best way to stay off of your couch is to get a dog. During a visit to Canada, I met a young man who was working as a clerk in a Canadian Tire store. Severely overweight, he decided to start exercising with his dog after watching my TV show. This once obese young man lost more than a hundred pounds and started his own morning dog-walking business. He looks great, feels great, and is healthy again.

When I walk my pack in the hills surrounding the DPC, the feeling of being in the moment is incredibly strong. I am connected to Mother Nature and doing something good for my body. Someone asked me recently what I think about when I am walking 50 dogs. The answer is nothing. For me, walking dogs is about feeling, not thinking … It’s about feeling calmness and peace.

To many people, the dog walk is a stressful experience. We’re worried about an approaching dog or about a neighbor we know doesn’t like dogs. We’re worried about our dog barking, running too fast, or pulling on the lead. This is not being in the moment, and you will never achieve calmness in this state of mind. It’s no wonder that dogs in the United States get the least exercise of dogs anywhere. Owners are too stressed out.

Try staying in the moment on your next dog walk. Try not to think about the day at the office or the kids at school. Try especially not to worry about how your dog might act up or misbehave on the walk. Instead, visualize a calm, successful, and enjoyable time together. Stay focused on the sights, smells, and sounds of the walk itself. Concentrate on the unspoken cues between you and your dog. If your mind starts to wander or you feel yourself becoming anxious, bring your attention to your breath. You can also use the energy exercises you learned in Practical Techniques for Every Pack Leader.

THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF EXERCISE

The amount of exercise your dog requires will, of course, depend upon your dog’s energy level, physical abilities, and, in some cases, breed characteristics. Senior or low-energy dogs may wear themselves out after a trip or two around the block, while high-energy dogs, particularly from the working, sporting, and hound groups, may require over an hour of walking, and you may need to add some jogging, running, or hiking. Although puppies can be very energetic, they also lack the muscle tone for very strenuous exercise, but they will generally let you know when they’ve had enough by going into rest mode when their energy is drained.

In all cases, remember the following points when exercising with your dog:

1 Watch out for overheating. This goes for you and your dog; if you feel too hot, then your dog probably does, too. Use caution on very hot days, trying to exercise early in the morning or in the evening, and bring along plenty of water. If your dog begins to show signs of heatstroke, seek medical attention immediately. Symptoms of heatstroke include heavy panting and labored breathing; excess salivation; dry, pale gums; weakness or confusion; vomiting; and diarrhea. If you cannot get your dog to the veterinarian immediately, then pour cool or tepid (never ice-cold) water on her body. If possible, also use a fan blowing cool air in conjunction with the water.

2 Be consistent with your exercise schedule. Running two miles on a weekend and then doing nothing during the week can cause extra stress on your dog’s joints and yours. It is better to take multiple shorter walks throughout the week—at least twice a day—than to try to cram all of the exercise into one session. If you absolutely cannot get out every day of the week to walk your dog, then find indoor alternatives:

• Have your dog run up and down the stairs (with your supervision, of course).

• Create an obstacle course with household objects to practice agility.

• Hide treats around the house for your dog to hunt and find.

• Play “keep away” or fetch.

• Introduce your dog to a treadmill, and then teach her how to run or trot on it.

Whether you walk two times every day (preferable) or alternate indoor days with walk days, keeping the schedule as regular as possible will help your dog maintain balance.

3 Take care of your dog’s feet. Running on cement—especially when hot from the sun—can cause injury to a puppy’s footpads, even causing them to slough off. Give a young dog plenty of breaks by walking or running on softer surfaces, like grass, until they have built up the adult calluses that will protect them. For adult dogs, be aware of hot surfaces, particularly asphalt, which can burn them fairly quickly on sunny days, particularly in the mid-afternoon. White or light-colored concrete does not retain heat in the same way and is much safer. In very hot weather, try to spend a minimal amount of time crossing streets or parking lots, and allow your dog regular cool-down time on grass. A good test for places you shouldn’t let your dog walk for too long is to go barefoot yourself. If your feet cannot take the heat, your dog probably isn’t enjoying it either.

4 Know your dog’s and your own limits. If your dog is in a calm, submissive state, then she will let you know when she’s had enough exercise. Also, as you spend more time being in the moment on walks, you will become very aware of your dog’s state of mind and begin to know when she has had enough. If you’re halfway out and either one of you gets too tired to go on, there’s nothing wrong with sitting quietly together for a few minutes, until you’re ready to resume. Also, knowing your dog’s limits will help you to spot any possible medical problems or other causes for concern well ahead of time—for example, a dog that loves to take long runs three times a day but suddenly wants to stop during a short walk may have a condition worthy of a vet visit.

Exercise is important and healthy for you and your dog. When shared properly on walks, it will keep your dog balanced, keep you in shape, and provide you both with the best possible bonding experience.

FULFILLMENT PART 2:

Discipline

Like dominance and control, discipline is another one of those words that people can easily perceive as negative, as I discussed in the “How to Read This Book” section. But notice that this word is very similar to disciple, and they both come from the Latin words that describe a student, as well as the instruction a student receives. So, rather than thinking of discipline as punishment, it is better to think of it as you teaching and your dog learning, working together as a team.

Discipline is an essential part of fulfilling your dog’s needs.

When I first came to the United States, I saw quickly how undisciplined American society can be when it comes to dogs. American dogs get to eat whatever they want, sleep wherever they want, and sit wherever they want. American dogs have several beds, many toys, and lots of treats. In Mexico, dogs don’t have any beds, and they get a stick if they want to have fun or play catch. There’s nothing wrong with giving a dog toys or beds to sleep in. The problem comes when dogs start being treated like little humans. This is generally the first step in losing control of boundaries with a dog. When you see dogs that continually ignore the direction of their owners, it’s usually because they have not been disciplined. But these dogs can be turned around, if their owners set up the proper environment with rules and boundaries.

I went through a similar situation not too long ago when I recognized that things were out of balance in my family life. I had received a heartbreaking call from a psychiatrist, who told me that my son Calvin was being put on medication for ADHD. ADHD, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, is a common childhood behavioral disorder that can be difficult to diagnose and even harder to understand.

The divorce wasn’t just hard on me; it took a big toll on my children. It divided our family, and it injected a lot of uncertainty into Calvin’s life. When I think back, it seems so clear: Calvin’s diet had deteriorated to meals consisting of sugary cereal and candy bars. He looked sullen, tired, and unmotivated. He wasn’t doing well in school, and he was becoming more disrespectful to adults.

After that phone call, I realized that—more than anything else—Calvin needed discipline and he needed to be understood. The divorce had disrupted all the routines of the house. It had taken away the Pack Leader of the family, and there was a leadership void. It was up to me as his dad to reestablish Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations with him, and practice Exercise, Discipline, and Affection. I could use this structure to create a more stable environment for my son and hopefully help him find his balance again.

A Zen psychologist recently noted that the definition of discipline is “remembering exactly what you want.” That’s an accurate description of how we addressed this situation with Calvin. I remembered the kind of son I wanted Calvin to be, I recalled the type of parent I could be, and I stepped into this role. I built a stronger support team around Calvin—a new school that would be attentive to his needs; new friends who were focused on sports or hobbies; and Jahira and I, who were equally focused on being caring, patient adults. We all worked together to get Calvin off of medication and back to a healthy life.

Discipline is about having your mind in the right place. This can only be achieved by knowing Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations. Here is a short exercise that Calvin and I used to help bring our minds back to the right place:

1 Think about a time in your life when you felt unstoppable. What was something you wanted without hesitation? A relationship? A job? Acknowledgment from your family? Go back to your childhood if you must, because that is a time when instinct is unobstructed by human forces and time.

2 Write for ten minutes about that unstoppable time in your life. What were you thinking, feeling, or even hoping for or praying about? What did it feel like? Describe your energy, your emotions. What challenges did you overcome to get what you wanted in a hurry?

3 Now write down how your life would be different right now if you approached it in the same manner as you did to get what you wanted back then, knowing you could not fail? How would this affect your relationship with yourself, your work, the people around you, and your dog?

4 What are the three things you could do to trigger this state of mind at any time you wanted? What are the three things you would like to achieve in an unstoppable way? What are three steps you can take now to start achieving those goals?

This little exercise recenters your mind and channels your energy.

FULFILLMENT PART 3:

Affection

Love is one of the greatest gifts we can share. It’s one of the many reasons why I love dogs so much. They are affectionate animals, and they love unconditionally. However, affection that is shared with a dog at the wrong time can be detrimental to her. You cannot love a dog out of chewing on your new shoes, just as you cannot love an alcoholic out of drinking, or love a child into cleaning up his room. Animals and people alike need Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations—even when it comes to love. Dogs don’t accept bribes for good behavior, and bribes seldom create lasting results with people either.

Unconditional love is just one of the many gifts dogs give to us.

Affection comes in many forms, and it isn’t always food. A dog that is a family pet may get affection in the form of treats, brushing, or petting. But affection can also be acknowledgment, a favorite toy, or a playdate with another compatible dog.

The important thing to remember is to never give your dog affection when he is not in a calm, submissive state. Never comfort a dog that is anxious, excited, or fearful—this will just confuse the dog. Because dogs live in the moment, your affection will not change their state. It just tells your dog, “It is all right for you to feel this way.” Affection at the wrong time will reinforce unwanted behavior because your dog will learn to use that behavior to earn your affection.

With people, affection is a little more complex. As we discussed in Cesar’s Natural Dog Laws, humans are intellectual and emotional (dogs are instinctual), so affection takes on many more forms and meanings for people. Affection can be given at many times and under different emotional states with people. We show affection to reassure each other (hugs), to celebrate (high fives), and to love (kisses). We have so many dimensions and aspects because humans are emotional creatures. But the reward of affection can also help us and our loved ones stick to routines of exercise and discipline. When we are balanced people, it is easier for us to give and receive affection. This last part of the fulfillment formula can be a powerful motivator.

Now that you understand the fulfillment formula, in Enrich Your Dog, Enrich Your Life, I will share with you real-life stories of people who have used it in their own lives to solve problems or help other people. Their stories are inspirational to me, and I hope they will be to you as well.

Cesar Millan