My fulfillment formula is the best way I know to harness the power of pack leadership. By engaging in a program of Exercise, Discipline, and Affection, you will be better equipped to handle anything that comes your way in life. The formula sharpens your instincts and is key to developing calm, assertive energy and to feel more fulfilled in everything you do.
Based on the fundamentals and techniques I have developed by working with dogs and their human companions, this formula can make human lives better. It literally saved mine. It helped me repair my family relationships and restore my business and my own sense of self.
A REAL LIFESAVER:
Captain Angus Alexander
Along the way, I have met many people who have applied the fulfillment formula to their lives with great success. The head of the L.A. County Lifeguard program adopted elements of the formula into his instruction for teaching junior lifeguards.
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Lifeguard Angus Alexander and his dog Jack are on patrol. |
As duty officer for the entire county coastline—all 72 miles of it—Captain Alexander, 50 years old but ruddy and robust as a teenager, coordinates ocean search and rescue efforts and makes sure the U.S. Coast Guard, L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, and his 600 beach lifeguards are working in harmony to keep tens of thousands of beachgoers safe. His secret? “Exercise, Discipline, and Affection, in that order,” he says. “I also enforce Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations.”
Captain Alexander is a longtime fan of my TV show. After training his own black Lab Jack to save swimmers using my techniques (Jack stars in “Dog rescues man from the ocean” on You-Tube), he decided to apply the principles to his staff. Early morning calisthenics (exercise) are followed by mandatory sweeping, cleaning, waxing, and maintenance (discipline), a routine that’s rewarded with regular earned perks (affection—in this case, food). “My wife is a gourmet chef,” Captain Alexander says. “My lifeguards know if they stay fit and do their job, I’ll take care of them with the best pasta dinner you can possibly imagine.”
The results are remarkable. His lifeguards log close to 10,000 surf rescues a year. Drownings are down by 50 percent from ten years ago (in 2011, there was only one), and Captain Alexander’s team has never been more cohesive or focused, he says.
HEALTHY DOG, HEALTHY HUMAN:
Jillian Michaels
When I teach people the fulfillment formula, the goal is a healthy, well-adjusted dog. It also turns out that getting owners to step into their role as a Pack Leader is just as good for them as it is for their dogs. Everything starts with the first step in my fulfillment formula—exercise.
Jillian Michaels knows a thing or two about exercise. And now, after working with me, she also knows about the fulfillment formula. Jillian is a no-nonsense health and wellness expert, known for her work as a fitness trainer, life coach, author, and star of the hit TV show The Biggest Loser. She also happens to be crazy about dogs, a love that started when she was an overweight young girl. “I was very lonely, and all I had were dogs—they were like siblings to me. In my darkest, loneliest times, my dogs have been there for me.”
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| Jillian Michaels and I talk about her dogs. |
These days, Jillian has her own battle with weight firmly under control, and she inspires countless people to change their lives for the better. She’s also the owner of three rescue dogs: Seven, an Italian greyhound mix; Harley, a terrier mix; and Richard, a Chihuahua. Jillian may be an expert in exercise, but when she needed help with Seven, she knew she had to turn to another expert. She came to me. The problem with Seven was that she would snarl at Jillian’s horse and run under his legs, and Jillian was afraid the dog would injure herself—or the horse.
I worked with Seven, but I also spent some time with Jillian, trainer to trainer. By teaching Jillian how to use the fulfillment formula, she was able to completely correct Seven’s bad behavior. In Jillian’s own words, “I know it seems like magic, but it’s not. I was able to implement that new attitude into different parts of her day. She’s had a giant change in personality.”
The second step in my fulfillment formula is discipline, which is also a very important part of Jillian’s work with people who have eating disorders and weight issues. She advises them on the importance of a daily routine, and once again, the fulfillment formula and dogs come into the picture: “On those days when you don’t feel like getting off the couch, your dog will nudge, pull, and whine until he gets his daily exercise. Instead of viewing this behavior as annoying, you can see it as motivating.”
After her work with me, Jillian was able to take what she learned about the fulfillment formula and apply a new way of thinking to her work with her clients. “I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why people behave the way they do, and now when I’m having a hard time, sometimes I’ll just go for the change and work on the deeper stuff simultaneously. Change the behavior, then explore what’s underneath.”
Jillian may forgo affection at times and sometimes even chooses a direct and harsh path. While she strongly believes the best way to help people is often through brutal honesty, she does and can provide affectionate support at the right time. “I think a dog is the purest form of energy you can tap into, that unconditional love. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re ugly or people won’t love you, or you lost your job—you know the dog’s going to love you.”
TURNING MY LIFE AROUND:
Cesar Millan
For Captain Alexander and Jillian, the fulfillment formula improved their lives. But in my case, the formula saved my life. It’s as simple as that.
I’ve met many incredible people who share their stories of how they’ve applied some of my fundamentals to improve their own lives, but none touched my heart more than a person I met at a book signing in November 2011. His name was Mike. And I will never forget him.
My manager and I were in Toronto, Canada, to do some retail store appearances. I was signing autographs, shaking hands, and taking photos. It was toward the end of a long day when a young man, around 30 years old, shuffled up to me. He was thin and pale. My manager tried to move in between us, but the young man was persistent and came within inches of my face.
“Cesar,” he said, “my name is Mike, and I have AIDS. I came here today to tell you that you saved my life.” I froze for a split second, and then I grabbed this young man and gave him the biggest hug I’ve ever given anyone in my life.
Mike went on to explain that he had given up all hope of living after he was hospitalized with AIDS. While in the hospital, he discovered the Dog Whisperer TV show. Because they air multiple episodes a day in Canada, Mike was quickly hooked on the show and took it to heart.
Soon, he began applying the foundations of pack leadership, including the Exercise, Discipline, and Affection formula, in his own life. Slowly, he found his purpose again. He accepted his medical condition. With the determination of a pit bull, he decided he was going to move on and begin living again.
Mike had become stuck and could not move forward. That changed when he introduced the Exercise, Discipline, and Affection approach to his daily routine. That combination allowed him to muster up the will to live and beat his disease. Of all the things I thought I might accomplish, I never thought I would help save someone else’s life. Mike’s story was a gift, one that helped me realize just how blessed I have been.
During the taxi ride back to the Toronto airport, I was reflecting on Mike’s story—the journey he had taken, and the fact that I was able to affect it—and I found it such an emotional moment that I began to cry. I then realized how much my own life had changed over the previous year, beginning when my former wife, Ilusion, told me that she wanted a divorce. Since that moment, my journey had been a harrowing one, filled with tremendous pain and uncertainty. On that cab ride, I saw just how fortunate I was to be able to help someone like Mike. It hit me that I had emerged from that dark time a stronger, wiser man, more grateful for life’s good fortune and more determined than ever to be a strong Pack Leader.
I had already been in pain when I received the divorce news in March 2010. My beloved pit bull Daddy had died just a month earlier. Daddy’s death had deeply shaken me, but I knew my grief would pass. In March, I was in Ireland as part of a whirlwind European tour in which I was speaking to crowds of over 7,000 people. On the morning of the Dublin presentation, I received a transatlantic phone call from my wife in Los Angeles, saying that she wanted a divorce. I had assumed things were going great. But little did I know or understand what was about to hit me. My life was going to change forever, and I—Cesar Millan, the Pack Leader to millions of dog owners all over the world—could neither control nor change its direction. It was terrifying.
Over the years, Ilusion and I struggled to balance our innate differences with the demands of marriage, a TV show, and two children. It wasn’t easy. We had broken up and gotten back together several times. After 20 years together, and with so much life ahead, the ending came abruptly. I wasn’t ready.
Because of the divorce, I was forced to see things as they really were for the very first time. As I examined the business decisions I’d agreed to over the years, I was confronted by how poor many of them were. I had given up my rights and my name. I had entered into contracts I never should have signed. My partners were saying one thing, but their contracts read very differently. I realized I didn’t even own the name “Dog Whisperer.”
At the end of the day, I owned only my clothes, my car, and the Dog Psychology Center. Everything else—including the TV show and the house in which I had lived and raised a family—belonged to other people. As my business manager reviewed my financial status, he informed me that I was broke. I actually had a negative net worth after seven years of being on TV, and I didn’t know why.
At first I was angry, and I retreated to the Dog Psychology Center, where I withdrew from people entirely. I wanted no human contact. Full of negative energy, I would brood and sit for hours with my pack. Eventually, the stress and sadness I was experiencing took its toll on my dogs. The pack’s size shrunk from 20 dogs before Daddy’s passing to just a handful. Instinctually, the pack knew its leader was unstable, and they sought and found other homes. I was devastated that I couldn’t help myself and I couldn’t help my own pack.
I’ve seen dogs react like this to stress. When a dog is out of equilibrium, he quickly goes into a negative or panicked state. He doesn’t want to be with other dogs or with humans. Isolation is a tangible reaction to an unstable environment, which is the root of virtually every canine behavior problem: biting, chewing, digging, excessive barking, territoriality, and aggression. Those issues are easy enough to fix in dogs. To fix them in myself, it was 10,000 times harder.
An animal-like rage ran through me: I wanted to destroy things; I wanted to destroy my business; I wanted to hurt myself and the people around me. I had never felt so emotionally devastated. I could not forgive myself for what was happening. I was overcome by a sense of failure, and I lost all confidence in myself.
Few people knew what was really going on inside of me, except for my brother, Erick, and my manager. I hid it from my sons, my business associates, and even my parents. Like Mike from Toronto, I wondered if I had a reason to live.
The lowest point came in May 2010, when I stopped eating. I was shocked to see I dropped to 135 pounds from 175 in just 40 days. I stopped working, and I rarely slept more than four hours a day. During this time, Ilusion and I were separated but not legally divorced, and I went over to the house to try to reconcile our marriage. Our conversation went poorly, and at the end of it, I knew our marriage was over.
I also thought my life was over, so I did a stupid thing. I tried to end my life by taking some pills. I don’t know what I took or how many. I just remember the feeling of how badly I wanted to be someplace else, anywhere but where I was. The next thing I remember, I was being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I demanded that the ambulance driver take me to my grandfather’s farm in Mexico. I wanted to be away from it all.
The next day, I was checked into a psychiatric hospital for observation. Three days later, I was released, and like Mike, I was determined to reestablish my inner balance and find a new purpose for my life. I would find that new purpose only after I embraced my own fundamentals and the fulfillment formula again.
I couldn’t fight the direction my life had taken. I had to accept it. Once I did, everything looked brighter. The energy came back. I started eating and sleeping again. Slowly, I was moving forward, thanks in part to the super pack of people around me and the dogs who remained at the Dog Psychology Center. I brought regular exercise back into my life. I created a set of Rules, Boundaries, and Limitations for myself to follow. And lastly, I shared affection with the friends, family, and dogs who gave me the motivation and inspiration to get back up again.
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| Seeing all the people at the 2012 National Pack Walk reminds me of what an amazing privilege it is to be Pack Leader. |
People often wonder how I get such quick results with the dogs I rehabilitate. As I’ve said before, the answer is simple: Dogs live in the moment. They aren’t consumed by mistakes from the past or fear of the future. As I began to stop looking backward and to stop dreading the future, I started to regain my appreciation for what was happening in the here and now.
Now I have rebuilt my pack—I currently have 22 dogs; I have just finished shooting a new TV show, Cesar Millan’s Leader of the Pack; my son Calvin is living with me and starting a TV career of his own; and I have a beautiful girlfriend named Jahira who cares about me and cares about the pack like it’s her own.
I have turned my life around, thanks to all the experiences I shared with dogs over the past 22 years of my life. Without the lessons they’ve taught me and the wisdom I’ve gained from working with them, I might not have been able to start all over again.
What I realized is that being a Pack Leader is not just about a moment in time. A leader must continue to evolve, learn, and encounter life’s challenges head-on. A leader is not afraid or ashamed to lean on his pack and allow the other pack members to help maintain balance. And no matter how difficult the obstacle, don’t let yourself get stuck.
These challenges allowed me to find strength in myself and carry on through my own darkest times. And whenever I find myself exhausted or asking whether I am following the right path, I think back to that moment in Toronto in 2011. I think back to Mike and the fulfillment formula that may have helped in some small way to save his life. Mike helped provide me with strength in my darkest times as well, and he reminded me of the incredible things people—and their dogs—can achieve with the right formula. Wherever you are, Mike … God bless.
Cesar Millan
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